Couples are generally not envisioning a divorce when adopting a child, and adoptive parents are no more likely than others to file for divorce. In fact, they may be less likely simply due to the adoption process. Generally prospective adoptive parents are put through a lot of scrutiny, and adoption agencies perform thorough background checks and investigation before allowing a couple to adopt. If it is determined that the prospective parents are suffering from marital problems, the adoption is typically denied.
Adopted Children in Divorce
A divorce can be extra detrimental on an adopted child, particularly if the child came from the foster system or has suffered the loss of a parent and is old enough to recall the tragedy. The already difficult divorce process can be even more trying on the parties if there is an adopted child due to the potential guilt the parties may feel about putting a child through the trauma of “losing” a parent for the second time.
How to Help your Child get Through it
It is important that parents show support and love to their children in a divorce, but that support may be even more important when an adopted child is involved. The child needs to understand that he or she was not the reason for the divorce. That premise may seem ridiculous but it is not uncommon for the children of divorce to put much of the blame on themselves, and this is even more likely if this is the second time a child has had to deal with the “loss” of a parent. A parent obviously knows that the divorce has nothing to do with a child but it is imperative that you convey that fact to any child, especially one that had been adopted.
In addition, divorce provides a good opportunity for parents to have serious conversations with their children, not just about the divorce but also validating concerns and showing empathy. A divorce can make a child feel abandoned, and its important that conversations take place alleviating those concerns. Again, this is often even more so the case when an adopted child may be having these types of feelings and concerns for the second time.
Be an Emotional Leader
As and adult, and a parent, it is your responsibility to be the emotional leader. Granted divorces are hard but at times it is imperative that you put your own emotional distress aside and focus on your children. This doesn’t mean you should just ignore your own feelings and emotions, it is important that you take care of yourself too, but there are definitely going to be times when those emotions have to be set aside for the good of your child.
If a parent becomes self-involved that is only going to make the divorce harder on his or her children. Divorce is never planned or anticipated, but giving your adopted child support, and going through the emotional process with that child will go a long way in making sure your child gets through it.
If you are considering divorce, or are in the middle of a divorce, you can call Pearson Law Firm for a free consultation with an experienced Utah divorce attorney who can help you navigate your divorce and make it as painless as possible. Call today! 801-888-0991.