So you’re getting a divorce? You’re not alone ya know, divorce is pretty common these days. It’s always interesting to see the dynamics of a divorce. Some couples have been thinking about it or threatening divorce for so long that finally doing it is a breath of fresh air, and neither one of them is shocked. Others are seemingly happily married and then some event triggers a fast and furious separation. And still others find themselves unhappy one day, and they’re not sure how it happened or why. The scenario is generally the one in which the couple has the hardest time breaking dealing with it, especially the one that gets blind-sided with divorce talk or even paperwork. Here are a few suggestions derived from my infinite wisdom from practicing family law in Utah for ten years.
Tell Your Spouse:
Your spouse will likely feel betrayed either way, but in my experience the betrayal is far worse if he/she is served with a summons and complaint for divorce without knowing its coming. Even if you’ve secretly moved out before serving the paperwork, it likely make the divorce process itself more personal and therefore ugly. It’s rare for couples to cooperate in a contested divorce, and even rarer if there is the additional aspect of betrayal. Divorce does NOT make irrational people rational, more likely it has the opposite effect. So if it’s possible to talk to your spouse about the divorce before filing, you’ll generally be better off. Having said that, I don’t know your spouse nor his/her general demeanor and agreeableness, so do what you think is best. Good luck!
Be Rational! (Someone should be . . .)
Keep the lines of communication open, there is nothing wrong with talking to your spouse and trying to work through it together. After all, you did love him/her once, and maybe still do, there is no need to make him your arch nemesis just because you fell out of love, or grew unhappy, etc. The more you can talk, rationally, the more likely your divorce will be somewhat amicable.
Divorces are emotional, almost always, especially if kids are involved. At some point in the divorce process you’re going to decide to give your spouse anything he/she wants because it’s not worth it anymore. Don’t do that. You can think about it, then call me and I’ll explain in clear and concise words why that is a horrible idea and you’re a horrible person for thinking it. Okay I won’t say or think the second part, but I’ll talk you out of it. If you give in like that you’ll regret it down the road, and if part of that “giving in” is agreeing to less time with your children, then you’ll REALLY regret it.
Counseling DURING the Divorce Process? That’s stupid . . .
No its not! In some situations. . . Often times a party doesn’t fully understand why the divorce is happening, counseling can help both of you understand why the divorce is happening, and can even help you both understand the importance of remaining friendly if not civil. It doesn’t work for everyone, but might be worth considering.
Try Being Nice!
You can be mean later, but as with many things in life, first “impressions” are important. If your spouse feels like you’re ultimately doing what you feel is best for both of you, and the kids if there are any, that could go a long way in keeping the divorce civil and keeping a relationship after it’s over. You can always be mean later if things are just getting ugly, but there is no harm in starting the divorce process on a friendly foot, you might be surprised as to how that effects the entire process and even save you money. Being able to talk to your spouse instead of having the attorneys do it is going to save you a lot of attorney fees. Hm. Never mind, forget I said that, you should probably pay me to do all the talking . . .
So you’re getting a divorce? I can help. Call Pearson Law Firm for a free consultation with an experienced Utah divorce attorney (me). I’ve been practicing family law for over 10 years and I’ll help you get the best outcome possible. Call today! 801-888-0991