​Your spouse will likely feel betrayed either way, but in my experience the betrayal is far worse if he/she is served with a summons and complaint for divorce without knowing its coming. Even if you’ve secretly moved out before serving the paperwork, it likely make the divorce process itself more personal and therefore ugly. It’s rare for couples to cooperate in a contested divorce, and even rarer if there is the additional aspect of betrayal. Divorce does NOT make irrational people rational, more likely it has the opposite effect. So if it’s possible to talk to your spouse about the divorce before filing, you’ll generally be better off. Having said that, I don’t know your spouse nor his/her general demeanor and agreeableness, so do what you think is best. Good luck!

​Keep the lines of communication open, there is nothing wrong with talking to your spouse and trying to work through it together. After all, you did love him/her once, and maybe still do, there is no need to make him your arch nemesis just because you fell out of love, or grew unhappy, etc. The more you can talk, rationally, the more likely your divorce will be somewhat amicable.

​Divorces are emotional, almost always, especially if kids are involved. At some point in the divorce process you’re going to decide to give your spouse anything he/she wants because it’s not worth it anymore. Don’t do that. You can think about it, then call me and I’ll explain in clear and concise words why that is a horrible idea and you’re a horrible person for thinking it. Okay I won’t say or think the second part, but I’ll talk you out of it. If you give in like that you’ll regret it down the road, and if part of that “giving in” is agreeing to less time with your children, then you’ll REALLY regret it.

​No its not! In some situations. . .  Often times a party doesn’t fully understand why the divorce is happening, counseling can help both of you understand why the divorce is happening, and can even help you both understand the importance of remaining friendly if not civil. It doesn’t work for everyone, but might be worth considering. 

You can be mean later, but as with many things in life, first “impressions” are important. If your spouse feels like you’re ultimately doing what you feel is best for both of you, and the kids if there are any, that could go a long way in keeping the divorce civil and keeping a relationship after it’s over. You can always be mean later if things are just getting ugly, but there is no harm in starting the divorce process on a friendly foot, you might be surprised as to how that effects the entire process and even save you money. Being able to talk to your spouse instead of having the attorneys do it is going to save you a lot of attorney fees. Hm. Never mind, forget I said that, you should probably pay me to do all the talking . . .
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So you’re getting a divorce? I can help. Call Pearson Law Firm for a free consultation with an experienced Utah divorce attorney (me). I’ve been practicing family law for over 10 years and I’ll help you get the best outcome possible. Call today! 801-888-0991

During this time of year I get a lot of calls regarding parent-time and what each parent is entitled to over Christmas vacation. Some custody agreements spell out holiday visitation, especially if it’s a joint custody arrangement. If you are unable to decipher what your custody order says, contact me and I’m happy to go through it with you at no charge. If it’s ambiguous or poorly worded we may need to contact your ex and see if we can come to an agreement as to new wording. If the two of you can’t agree on something then we may need to go to mediation or even court to get it resolved (side note, if you are in the process of figuring out custody make sure the custody provision is clear and well-worded, don’t count on figuring it out as you go or down the road).

​Many custody orders refer to Utah Code §​ 30-3-35 for holiday visitation. This is the code section that spells out the recommended minimum visitation for the non-custodial parent in sole custody cases, but many joint custody cases use this code section for purposes of determining holiday visitation because it saves you from having to recreate the wheel so to speak.

With the relatively recent ruling on the legality of gay marriages from the U.S. Supreme Court, I have met with a lot of clients looking to adopt their spouse’s child or children. Previously it was very difficult for a gay couple to adopt because they didn’t meet the rather stringent requirement of marriage (particularly in Utah). Now that gay marriage is allowed in all states, couples are able to marry and therefore can qualify for an adoption. However, they still have to meet the criteria.

This is by far the easiest route to go when it comes to a step-parent adoption. If the biological father or mother is willing to sign a relinquishment of parental rights half the battle is over before we even begin. The nice thing about these voluntary relinquishments is they are “non-retractable”. In other words, once a parent signs a voluntary relinquishment they cannot change their mind later. The Courts do this in order to ensure that a child is not faced with the confusion and instability of a parent coming in and out of the child’s life. Imagine the scenario where a child is adopted and then his or her biological parent shows up and suddenly wants to be part of the child’s life again. Not only can this be difficult for the child to deal with, or even comprehend, but it can undermine the adoptive parent’s role as the father or mother of that child.

Once your ex (the child’s other parent) signs the relinquishment, you can file the Petition for Adoption. Like I previously mentioned, the “step-parent” cannot qualify for the adoption until the two of you are married. In addition, there is a presumption that the adoption should not go through until the parties have been married for at least a year. That presumption can be rebutted but the parties must convince the court that the relationship is strong and stable. Often if the parties can show that they’ve already been in a long, established relationship the court will allow the adoption to go through even if the parties have not been married for a full year. Ultimately it’s the judge’s decision, so it’s always a bit of a crap shoot.

If your ex refuses to relinquish his or her parental rights an adoption becomes significantly more difficult. For good reason, the courts are very hesitant to take away someone’s parental rights. Those rights are not only God-given, but also a constitutional right. In order for a court to revoke someone’s parental rights it would have to essentially find that the parent was so inept or unfit that the child’s health and safety is at risk. Even if a parent is deemed “unfit”, that doesn’t mean he or she can’t exercise visitation of some sort and be part of the child’s life in some way. So if your ex is fighting the adoption you definitely have an uphill battle, but one that can be won in the right circumstances. If you are facing this situation contact Pearson Law Firm for a free consultation with an experienced adoption attorney.

If your ex has abandoned the child or is simply ignoring the adoption paperwork then you can seek a default judgment. Again, courts are hesitant to revoke a parent’s rights by default but if a party can convince the court that the other parent is unreachable and is not interested in the child in any way then the court will grant a default judgment.

Step-parent adoptions are always a pleasure to assist in. There not very many areas of family law that bring parties together, and I always jump at the opportunity. If you are looking to adopt, whether it be uncontested, contested, or by default, Pearson Law Firm can help you through the process. Call today for a free consultation! 801-888-0991.

Everyone wants an aggressive attorney; I’ve heard plenty of horror stories from clients and potential clients about ex-attorneys that didn’t say a word in court, lawyers that got pushed around by opposing counsel. Obviously attorneys like this might not give you the best representation, but there is another side of the spectrum as well – overly aggressive attorneys. Attorneys that tell a client anything they want to hear to get them to sign on the dotted line. Attorneys that take a belligerent stance on any issue, no matter the facts. Attorneys that “fight for you tooth and nail” and refuse to concede any point, ever. These types of attorney can often be more detrimental to your case (and your pocketbook) than the oft feared passive attorney.

So your divorce has been finalized and your spouse has primary custody of your child. Things are fine at first but then you start noticing changes in your child. When he comes over for visits he is not the sweet boy you used to know, he acts out, talks back, and gets angry easily. You soon discover that your spouse is making no attempt to discipline your son or keep him in line. Your son gets away with nearly everything, and doesn’t even have a bed time nor is he expected to do his homework. His grades are suffering and he’s starting to get in trouble at school. To make matters even worse, your ex often has friends over and they drink and smoke in front of your son. You know this is not a good environment or situation for your child but your spouse is the custodial parent and is legally entitled to custody.

Occasionally I have a client that has a child or children, is already separated from their significant other, and now they want to move out of state. There is no court order in place as to custody or visitation, and they wonder if they can just leave. The short answer is “yes”, it is your constitutional and God-given right to go wherever you want. Generally a court cannot order anyone to remain in a particular place or state (with some exceptions, such as a defendant in a criminal case that has been ordered to remain in the state/county).

​In the alternative, if you go to court to get a custody order in place before you leave, you may face the same situation wherein you are not able to leave because the court determines that it is in the best interest of the children to have regular visitation with the other parent, and your reasons for moving are outweighed by those interests. Again, the court can't order you to stay, but they can endorse a parenting plan that does not lend itself to out of state exchanges, thereby compelling you to remain in Utah.
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In theory court's should make the same decision whether or not the move has already transpired, but I believe that in certain situation, all things being equal, a court might be more likely to rule in favor of the move if that party has already moved and established a new residence. If a court does "sign off" on the move, it will generally order long distance visitation, per Utah law.

Couples are generally not envisioning a divorce when adopting a child, and adoptive parents are no more likely than others to file for divorce. In fact, they may be less likely simply due to the adoption process. Generally prospective adoptive parents are put through a lot of scrutiny, and adoption agencies perform thorough background checks and investigation before allowing a couple to adopt. If it is determined that the prospective parents are suffering from marital problems, the adoption is typically denied.

A divorce can be extra detrimental on an adopted child, particularly if the child came from the foster system or has suffered the loss of a parent and is old enough to recall the tragedy. The already difficult divorce process can be even more trying on the parties if there is an adopted child due to the potential guilt the parties may feel about putting a child through the trauma of "losing" a parent for the second time.

It is important that parents show support and love to their children in a divorce, but that support may be even more important when an adopted child is involved. The child needs to understand that he or she was not the reason for the divorce. That premise may seem ridiculous but it is not uncommon for the children of divorce to put much of the blame on themselves, and this is even more likely if this is the second time a child has had to deal with the "loss" of a parent. A parent obviously knows that the divorce has nothing to do with a child but it is imperative that you convey that fact to any child, especially one that had been adopted.

In addition, divorce provides a good opportunity for parents to have serious conversations with their children, not just about the divorce but also validating concerns and showing empathy. A divorce can make a child feel abandoned, and its important that conversations take place alleviating those concerns. Again, this is often even more so the case when an adopted child may be having these types of feelings and concerns for the second time.

As and adult, and a parent, it is your responsibility to be the emotional leader. Granted divorces are hard but at times it is imperative that you put your own emotional distress aside and focus on your children. This doesn't mean you should just ignore your own feelings and emotions, it is important that you take care of yourself too, but there are definitely going to be times when those emotions have to be set aside for the good of your child.

If a parent becomes self-involved that is only going to make the divorce harder on his or her children. Divorce is never planned or anticipated, but giving your adopted child support, and going through the emotional process with that child will go a long way in making sure your child gets through it.

If you are considering divorce, or are in the middle of a divorce, you can call Pearson Law Firm for a free consultation with an experienced Utah divorce attorney who can help you navigate your divorce and make it as painless as possible. Call today! 801-888-0991.

A divorce can have an impact on both parties financially, and usually does. In addition to the potential loss of your spouse's income, you can also lose retirement benefits and income due to alimony, child support, insurance costs, etc. There are a few steps you can take to at least prepare yourself for these financial expenses and therefore stay ahead of potential financial issues.

Upon divorce it is common for both parties' budget to increase due to the fact that the proverbial financial blanket now has to cover "two beds" rather than one. After the divorce there is usually two mortgages/rent, two insurance policies, and household expenses that are no longer shared. As a result, many divorcees chose to forego contributing to their retirement plan, or even dip into their retirement savings. This is almost always a mistake. It is important that you continue planning for your future, and instead of removing retirement funds, reassess your budget and make adjustments that won't have such long-term ramifications.

Many people fall into debt and bad financial practices while going through a divorce, or even the days leading up to the divorce.  In some scenarios bankruptcy is an option and even a good idea, but if the debts are not significant enough to warrant bankruptcy, but still affect your credit, there are some things you can do to repair or build your credit.

Be careful about getting a credit card or line of credit, while this can help improve your credit score you want to make sure you don't overspend and get in over your head. Generally it's safer to get a pre-paid credit card or make sure your landlord is reporting timely payments to the credit bureaus. Taking these steps will ensure that you will have adequate credit when the time comes to apply for a mortgage or car loan.

If you have a will or trust make sure you update it after your divorce. There isn't anything worse than someone's loved ones missing out on important assets because the deceased failed to update his/her will. This is especially the case when minor children are involved, and the deceased didn't update their choice of guardian.  It is imperative that you update your will or trust after a divorce.

You'll also want to update your retirement and/or insurance beneficiaries. I recently had a client that remarried but failed to name his new wife as the beneficiary of his insurance.  When he passed away his ex-wife was still the named beneficiary and was entitled to all the insurance proceeds. Luckily the ex-wife disclaimed the insurance monies and my client was able to get it, but this is usually not the case. You'll also want to switch all other assets into your name if possible.

If you did not make financial decisions in your marriage, or decisions were made together, make sure you investigate typical costs and expenses for various necessities such as food, electricity, water, etc., so you can budget for these items and manage your finances. It is important that you protect your finances and that you take ownership of financial decisions.

If you're looking into divorce or you're in the middle of the divorce process, contact Pearson Law Firm for a free consultation with an experienced divorce attorney who can help you navigate your divorce and the financial aspects of separating from your spouse. Call today, 801-888-0991

The ramifications of the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage extend far beyond the now legal marriage ceremony. Gay couples now have the same rights as heterosexual couples in a traditional marriage. Gay couples can now receive tax benefits, insurance benefits, and sexless marriages that the rest of us have long taken for granted.
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Gay couples that are considering marriage would be well served by investigating the ramifications that accompany marriage. Besides the many pros, there are potential cons as well. If the couple separates it is no longer possible to simply divide property based on who purchased it. Instead, the couple will be subject to the same divorce laws and division of property that straight marriages have dealt with for hundreds of years.

With the Supreme Court Ruling, it may be a good idea for the parties in a same-sex marriage to consider a prenuptial agreement, especially if one or both of the parties accumulated assets before the marriage and wish to protect that property. This is especially true if there was a lengthy partnership before the marriage an assets were acquired. Prior to a marriage those assets will be considered separate property, no matter how long the couple have been together.

If nothing else, a prenuptial agreement may be useful solely for the purpose of designating what property belongs to what party, or if certain assets should be designated and treated as marital property. For example, if a gay couple bought a house together and they both contributed to the costs, designating the property as marital property before the marriage even takes place could greatly help the parties if a divorce becomes necessary. In this scenario a prenuptial agreement would serve a greater purpose then just protecting one party’s assets. 

Gay couples also now have the privilege of dealing with custody issues. If one or both parties have children from a previous marriage or relationship, the step-parent may have the opportunity to adopt that child or children. If the couple have children during the marriage, then they will be subject to the same custody and visitation laws as a straight couple.

If you are planning on getting married or you're dealing with divorce/custody issues, contact Pearson Law Firm for a free consultation with an experienced divorce attorney. Call 801-888-0991.