​So you’re getting a divorce? You’re not alone ya know, divorce is pretty common these days. It’s always interesting to see the dynamics of a divorce. Some couples have been thinking about it or threatening divorce for so long that finally doing it is a breath of fresh air, and neither one of them is shocked. Others are seemingly happily married and then some event triggers a fast and furious separation. And still others find themselves unhappy one day, and they’re not sure how it happened or why. The scenario is generally the one in which the couple has the hardest time breaking dealing with it, especially the one that gets blind-sided with divorce talk or even paperwork. Here are a few suggestions derived from my infinite wisdom from practicing family law in Utah for ten years.

​Your spouse will likely feel betrayed either way, but in my experience the betrayal is far worse if he/she is served with a summons and complaint for divorce without knowing its coming. Even if you’ve secretly moved out before serving the paperwork, it likely make the divorce process itself more personal and therefore ugly. It’s rare for couples to cooperate in a contested divorce, and even rarer if there is the additional aspect of betrayal. Divorce does NOT make irrational people rational, more likely it has the opposite effect. So if it’s possible to talk to your spouse about the divorce before filing, you’ll generally be better off. Having said that, I don’t know your spouse nor his/her general demeanor and agreeableness, so do what you think is best. Good luck!

​Keep the lines of communication open, there is nothing wrong with talking to your spouse and trying to work through it together. After all, you did love him/her once, and maybe still do, there is no need to make him your arch nemesis just because you fell out of love, or grew unhappy, etc. The more you can talk, rationally, the more likely your divorce will be somewhat amicable.