Is it Possible to get Everything You Want in a Divorce?

Winner!!

Every now and then I meet with potential clients that just want to know one thing. If they hire me, will they get everything they want out of their divorce? The answer is usually no. There are exceptions of course. If all you want is the beanie baby collection and your clothes then there is probably a better than decent chance that you will get "everything you want" (that actually happened once). However, if you are involved in a contested divorce and there are children or significant assets involved, then the chances of you getting everything you want are very slim, it just doesn't happen. And not because your attorney isn't good, although that can certainly result in you getting even less, but because the courts try to make things fair as possible. So unless you entered the divorce with completely fair expectations that transcend all genders and personalities, AND the court completely agrees with you, chances are you won't get what you want because the court's definition of fair is likely different than yours.  

Even if you settle your case outside of court, either on your own, through your attorneys, or in mediation, chances are there is going to be a lot of compromise. So unless your spouse is incredibly accommodating, again, you probably aren't going to get everything you want.

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How to "win" your divorce

I often tell clients that it is very difficult to "lose" in a divorce, but it is possible to "win." This is why, there are very specific laws that guide a judge when he/she is making a ruling. Even if you have a bad attorney, chances are the court is going to at least ensure that both parties can manage the separation and go on with their lives. There have been times when I dominated opposing counsel in court, only to have the judge step in and level the playing field a little bit. Some judges are more willing to do so than others, and obviously you get a different level of experience depending on which judge you have. But in the end, the court will try to treat both parties fairly, no matter who your attorney is. 

However, a good attorney can help you in those gray areas of the law. Since every divorce is different, it is impossible for the legislature to predict and account for every possible scenario. And often the division of assets and even custody/visitation disputes are not black and white. In the end, both parties generally get what they are entitled to under the law, but a good attorney can often get more for their client based on these gray areas. So both parties are treated relatively fairly, no one "lost", but one part got more of the gray area, and therefore a "win".

Reality Checks

Stay on Earth

I am a proponent of being real with my clients. Many attorneys will promise potential clients the world in order to get them to sign on the dotted line. Those attorneys can rarely come through on those promises, and in the end the client feels cheated and the attorney loses face. I try to give my clients realistic expectations, if they are up in night I try to give them a reality check so they know what they can expect from me and the courts. It's impossible to know for sure what a judge or court is going to do on any given day, but after years of practice most of the time I can get pretty close. So if you come in and tell me you want everything, when you're done with your spouse you want him/her living in a cardboard box, I'll tell you, in the kindest way possible, that you're out of your mind and your evil spouse is going to be just fine when its all said and done, BUT, I'll do everything in my power to make sure you'll be finer. 

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Mediation

Mediation is a great way for me to deal with attorneys that tell their clients everything they want to hear, and a great way for you to get your case resolved and finalized without spending tons of money. Good mediators are very effective at reality checks. So even if your spouse's attorney won't tell him/her what is realistic, the mediator generally will. I've been told by mediators that even the most bull-headed attorney will usually back down when there is another knowledgeable person in the room providing accurate information to a client, even if its conflicting with what the attorney might have said. No attorney wants his/her bluff to be called in mediation. 

In addition, mediation gives you the opportunity to be in control of the solution. Instead of having issues decided for you, you have a hand in determining the best outcome for your case. Your attorney is there to make sure you don't get too out of control with your graciousness and selflessness, and ensure that the things that are most important to you are accounted for, discussed, and resolved. 

So whether you want the world out of your divorce, or just the clothes on your back, contact Pearson Law Firm for a free consultation with an experienced divorce attorney that will counsel you on your divorce, your expectations, and how to proceed. Call today, 801-888-0991.